Folk Monologue Lyrics by Barbra Streisand

Folk Monologue Lyrics

    Can i get my glass of tea? mmm, nothing like it!
    At this time i would like very much to do a folksong. since folksongs,
    I think are still popular today. uhm, this one is in latvian and it's
    From latvia. and it's about this tahitian girl who uhm, had this lover.
    And then one day this lover decides that he doesn't like her anymore
    And likes her sister better. so she decided that the only thing to do
    Naturally was to kill herself, see. so one day, oh, was very nice out
    About 75 degrees, and she was taking this walk down to the river to
    Drown when she, she tripped over this rock see. and uhm, oh it was
    Awful i mean, she broke her glasses, she scrapped her knees. and uhm,
    Just at this minute the lover and the sister happen to come by in a
    Taxicab. so, see they saw her on the floor and she, having an
    Astigmatism in her left eye, she thought that it was a wild bore. so,
    She figured oh boy i'd better get down to the river fast to drown so
    She runs down there and what do you know the river was frozen. so i
    Mean she just stood there you know and she went tchhh, like that. tch,
    And uhm, because, i mean, she couldn't do it that day. see, it was a
    Small town they only had one river, so. anyway than she figured, oh
    It's getting late, better get home cause her mamma would be worried
    And would kill her if she was late for supper you know. so, i mean,
    She gets up and she starts walking around home and she bumps in to
    This guy, and what do you know, he turns out to be an optometrist.
    And just happens to happen to have her "suscription". so, anyway, uh?
    Oh, i'm sorry "subscription".so anyway, i mean, she's i don't want
    You to think that this is one of those hollywood-like stories: she
    Gets the glasses and sees happily ever after. i mean, this is, you
    Know, no like that. i mean she had to pay for the glasses just like
    You and me, she ... well, oh well, i mean, i don't want you to think
    That i'm lying but she did get about a dollar fifty off, dollar
    Sixty-five? so anyway, uhm... this guy (oh) turned out to be very
    Nice and he even told her where she could find another river.
    So, i'll tell you the truth, this girl was a real creep. i mean,
    You know who would wanna sing a song about her? i mean, her sister
    Was really much nicer. and uhm, i mean, i, i think she came from
    A better family.

    [singing]
    Call me a boob
    Call me a schlemiel
    Call me a brain with a missing wheel
    Call me what you will
    But nonetheless i'm still
    In love with harold mingert
    It's not because he has a car
    Arnie fleisher has a car
    And a car is just a car
    But if harold didn't have a car too his name
    I guess i'd love him just the same
    Call me what you will
    But nonetheless i'm still
    In love with harold mingert
    And it's not because he has a wealthy family
    Arnie fleischer has a wealthy family
    But money isn't everything
    And if harold didn't have a car too his name
    I know i'd love him just the same
    But sometimes i ask myself why than
    Do i than love harold mingert
    Harold isn't handsome or clever or smart
    And i don't find romance and a dance in his heart
    The only answers i can think about
    Harold mingert's money and harold mingert's car
    Call me what you will
    But non the less i'm still
    In love with harold mingert
    Also arnie fleisher!

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